I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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