I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
