Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Randomize
