haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Are my feet made of real feet?
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
