I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Randomize