hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
