and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
