I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
