Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
