i just made my gag reflex go away.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
