I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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