I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
