Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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