do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
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