So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
