chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Randomize
