Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
