I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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