I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
