All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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