So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Randomize
