yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
