yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
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