Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
We have started to decorate penises.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Randomize
