i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
We have started to decorate penises.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Randomize
