evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
