Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
