awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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