WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
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