I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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