Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
