You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
