so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
