Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize