you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
