my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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