you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
