Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
