If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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