Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
