so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
