Your dad touched me again.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
