i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize