Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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