He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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