that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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