i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
