i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
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