where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
