I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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