i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
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