well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
