She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
