it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
