Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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