so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
is wine microwaveable?
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
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