I love black thongs
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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