I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
