she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
