who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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