somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize