I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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