i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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