I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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