Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
