Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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