I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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