Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
