My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
And the cops told us we were all naked.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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