I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Randomize
