Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
