Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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