if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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