im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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