I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
