The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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