Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
