Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
