yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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