when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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